## Resilient Koan 06 - Projection and Attraction ### The Koan this week was "What is the nature of my sexual projection and how does that generate attraction?" ### Context: This is a koan that relates to the earlier theme of subtle dynamics and dancing. I have a lot to learn and explore in this space, and chose to bring attention to the generative, polarising, juicy, sexy aspects of my interactions with others. Not in a dirty way, rather that experience of absolute energy, fire and magnetism. For example, I am frequently overwhelmed with the feeling of love. And, seem to fall in love with moments, events, people, projects quite often. But I am not actually involved in an intimate relationship (and have not been for a couple of years) in which I exclusively experience of express those feelings. This inquiry, then was relevant to both understanding if there is something that consistently characterises the objects/subjects I do feel attracted to. ### Insight: Projection of what is attractive generates polarity and leads to attraction. The dance of love, life and energy is self-fueling...and ultimately hollow. Falling in to the wondrous world of continuous subtle fields is so deliciously attractive. I am so enamoured by the opening of the world of FEELING, really just FEELING into everything. Breathing in passion, fire and even stuckness, then breathing out love and gratitude. There is so much for me to learn here, so much to explore and inquire into, so much I want to engage in the world of subtle dynamics, sexual attraction, and mindful loving. And I also noticed this week how hollow and fleeting it is. As subtle and essential as it is, it is still made of thought and feeling. When it all comes crashing down or goes the wrong way you are still stuck standing there and (as Will suggested) wondering "What is the sound of one hand clapping?". Like a) launching a massive, beautiful creative process to engage a community in envisioning its future or b) engaging in some subtle sexual game with some unattainable goddess - the sheer sexual voltage and creativity can be intoxicating, amazing, filling me with love and joy. But once you take away the charisma, let go of the fantasy relationship, or fall back to the absolute ground nothing is there. What is there is only what is within. That is the nature of projection, attraction and creativity in the relative realm. ### Reflection: The process I went through this week was different from my habitual way, and thoroughly enjoyable, healthy and relatively effortless. I sequentially engaged in: * 1st person inquiry, observation, experiencing of different levels of attraction was delightful. Dynamics at work, while shopping, during and after workshops, on the soccer field, at Tai Chi. There is just so much going on to dive in to (or be blind to). Guided and supported through some of David Deida's insights and practices, this week was a wonderful experience in curiously engaging in this. And of course unconsciously stumbling through much of it. * 2nd person dialogues with friends about the patterns and dynamics in our own relationships and others'. Fresh insights into patterns in my own attraction were generated. One of my friends in particular is fantastic at just thinking and getting this stuff with no need for a conceptual framework, and beautifully articulated the dynamics he is conscious of and now seems to have control of in his relationships. * 3rd person investigation using the Enneagram - taking the full online RHETI test to generate my type. I also used some of the additional tests and reflected on the meaning of my type and preference in the context of my intimate relationships. So, I got a lot from this week (though am hesitant to say I have learned it in a way that would someone could see had affected my behaviour). * I learned about a different process for investigating (1st person 1st) * I learned about the nature of my projection, specifically * I learned about the relationship between my projection (sexually) and the way it generates polarity and attraction * I learned that it is so rich, and so much there for me, but ultimately it is hollow. This even seemed to extend to my work as a sustainability practitioner (or whatever it is that I do). There was a point during the week when I glimpsed how hollow it was. How the passion I feel for this topic, these challenges are in many ways just a personal trip and crucible for development - it could be anything. Incredible that I can get so righteous at times about my journey, my topic, not realising that this is just my game and everyone has their own. Further, that even if I were to engage with my work perfectly and 'complete' it immaculately, it is still likely to be unsatisfying. ### Practice: The practices are: * Consciously tap into and use the charisma and attractiveness I can generate, for good purposes. * Continue to inquire into the projection and attraction dynamics at a personal, team, community level such that I am not trapped in habitual patterns. And so I can engage with others in a healthy way * Integrate Deida's and other recommended subtle practices into my regular practice * Act in a way that is in alignment with the truth realised regarding the life-affirming yet ultimately hollow nature of this creative energy * Hold my passions and that which I am attracted to a little more lightly, recognising it is something I am attracted to because I am projecting it. Hard work? --- This is one in a series of 25 'Resilient Koans' documenting "an apithologue into the koans of practice discovered while creating resilient sustainable communities", in 2010.